mama

Author: jamers

  • It was all yellow

    It was all yellow

    Kiddo graduated kindergarten today and I have mixed feelings about it. I’m proud and also a little sad. It just feels like time is moving so damn fast.

    Today’s reading

    Poem: Birdsong of Shaker Way by Ann-Margaret Lim 2025?

    Essay: The Rough Ride by Sandra Hager Eliason 2022

    Short Story: The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman 1892

    The essay and short story both dealt with mental illness. It’s amazing how far things have come in treating it and how far they still need to go. I remember reading The Yellow Wallpaper in college and being so creeped out by it. Re-reading it today made me wonder if the creepy, moldy, actually alive walls in Silvia Moreno-Garcia’s Mexican Gothic was inspired by it.

    The poem helped clear my head, so here’s an excerpt:

    ”Every day is perfect, if

    when you wake, you hear birds

    in the garden, in the yard. Birds”

    I didn’t have an image for this post yet, so I searched my photos for June 6 and happened to have a Cedar Waxwing so that gets the featured image spot.

    Then I realized I didn’t have a title either and Coldplay lyrics popped in my head “it was all yellow” It’s a love song so this post ends on a double positive note. Yay!

  • Progress

    Progress


    It’s only been 5 days but I feel good about not checking social media. I don’t miss any of it. Even after I tried to curate positive feeds full of creativity and blocked words that usually came with outrage content- it would always filter back.

    I had the urge to start listing all the things that annoy me but that’s no fun. Then I’m just part of all of this negativity that I don’t want to read.

    So here’s another edition of 3 good things:

    • Ran almost 2 miles with the school mom running group. I still feel awkward but enjoying being included.
    • I love that sunflowers always pop up around the yard. I figure they showed up from seeds that fell from the bird feeder or were buried by a squirrel.
    • I have the luxury of reading in our cozy backyard just about any time I want to. We have so few restrictions on our time right now and I appreciate it.

    Today’s reading

    Poem: Two Evening Moons by Federico García Lorca 

    Essay: Ms. Daylily by Xujun Eberlein

    Short Story: An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge by Ambrose Bierce

    The essay and short story were heavy. I might start including the year each was written because I find it fascinating how my random selections can be written so far apart but have so much in common. Or maybe since I grouped them I automatically search for commonalities? Bierce was a Civil War veteran and this story takes place then. It’s not happy. Eberlein’s essay covers 1950s China. Also devastating. The poem says the moon is dead but will come back to life in the spring. All bleak but with a tiny side of hope?

  • Like a fortune cookie

    Like a fortune cookie

    It’s here! The cd I ordered arrived in the mail yesterday. Pete was kind enough to rip it for me. Then I went on a quest to find a decent mp3 player for the iphone. Our car is old enough to have a cd player so it was fun to listen there as well. When I took the cd out of its cardboard sleeve, a little slip of paper fluttered out. It read “You will have a VG+ day” I guess VG+ is a quality designation for used stuff which means very good. So that was cute.

    Today’s reading:

    Poem: Matarose Tags G-Dragon on the 7 by Rosebud Ben-Oni

    Essay: We Were Hungry by Chris Dennis

    Short story: Your Duck is My Duck by Deborah Eisenberg

    This quote from the short story felt real familiar:

    Screenshot

  • Plants and palettes

    Plants and palettes

    Last week I thought about how you change as a person over the years. I was noticing that running was still part of who I am, but now I realize it hasn’t always been that way. I’ve only seen myself as a runner the last 15 years or so. When I think about art though, that has been me for as long as I can remember.

    Sometimes it’s funny where inspiration strikes. This morning we were picking weeds out back where they grow a bit wild. Everything is mostly green right now, but suddenly colors in the tree of heaven stood out to me. I have my high school art teacher, Mrs. Danhelka to thank for that. She taught me how to look closer to see colors you wouldn’t initially guess are there. I saw some really deep purples in the smallest leaves and enjoyed the visual harmony of it all. Maybe I’ll create something with those colors.

    Today’s reading

    Poem: Dandelion by Ted Kooser

    Essay: Bidders of the Din by Eric Borsuk

    Short Story: The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County by Mark Twain

    It’s fun that today’s poem dealt with weeds. The essay was about life in prison but there was a part where the author was surprised that his artist friend made a magazine collage while in solitary confinement. I couldn’t find any art or weeds with the jumping frogs.

  • Closed loops

    Closed loops

    The more I read short stories, the more I like them. I didn’t used to like them. Especially if I enjoyed the characters or world building, I always felt disappointed that there wasn’t more of it somewhere. I was trying to pinpoint what I like about them now, and I think it’s because it’s something I can complete in one day. What is the phrase? Closing the loops or something like that meaning I can mentally check something off and not feel it hanging over me.

    This also reminds me of being in an interview years ago when the interviewer was making small talk asking what shows I’m watching. I’m often not watching anything trending which I felt mildly embarrassed to admit. But I could happily reveal that the most recent tv I’d been watching was old episodes of Murder She Wrote. When they asked what I liked about it, I gave an answer I don’t even think I’d admitted to myself before- that you know at the end of almost every episode, the mystery will be solved. I never realized how much I dislike loose ends.

    Today’s reading:

    Poem: Saguaros by Javier Zamora

    Essay: Fat Man and Little Boy by Sylvia Baumgartel

    Short story: Bartleby the Scrivener by Herman Melville

    I’ve been trying not to consume as much news as I used to. Hardly any of it is ever good news. Finding the balance between being informed but not depressed is difficult.

    Randomly, today’s readings ended up covering immigration, nuclear weapons, free will, depression, and ethics. And that feels a little too current. Even though one was written in the 1840s.

    So even though the reading is complete, the contemplation sure is lingering. I could keep this loop open, but in the words of Bartleby “I’d prefer not to”.

  • Analog goals for June

    Analog goals for June

    I’m joining Pete in an attempt at fewer digital inputs per day for the month of June. We both set our phones on an end table this morning and have mostly left them there in favor of reading, puttering around the house, or playing with kiddo.

    One digital input that I struggle with is music. In the spirit of the challenge I don’t think I really need to avoid it, but it was fun to think of other ways to listen. I dug out my old ipod shuffle and after charging it still worked! Not sure about how the battery life will be though. I also half considered thrifting an old portable cd player, especially since I have that one cd coming in the mail. lol.

    Since an ipod or cd player are technically still digital, I think I’m setting my goal as less internet, more dumb devices. A month without doomscrolling will be nice. And since I won’t be staring at my phone before bed, I wonder if I’ll sleep better.

    Today’s reading:

    Poem: Hope by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer (from a book of poems on gratitude and hope that Pete got for me a few years ago)

    Essay: Any Kind of Leaving by Jillian Barnet

    Short story: The Purloined Letter by Edgar Allan Poe

    Books 4 and 5 of BL Metamorphosis, a manga that I think Storygraph recommended to me? It was very sweet.

  • A recipe for writing

    A recipe for writing

    Pete’s mom gave me a book about creative writing by Ray Bradbury. I’ve always liked his writing, and his advice feels so encouraging and accessible.

    Later I came across this quote from him “I’ll give you a program to follow every night, a very simple program…one poem a night, one short story a night, one essay a night, for the next 1,000 nights. From various fields: archaeology, zoology, biology, all the great philosophers of time, comparing them…But that means that every night then, before you go to bed, you’re stuffing your head with one poem, one short story, one essay—at the end of a thousand nights, Jesus God, you’ll be full of stuff, won’t you?”

    I found a poetry site that sends daily poems via email- check. I’m still trying to figure out the best place to get short stories that I want to read. And as to the essays- I’ve been looking at magazines I don’t normally read in the library’s Libby app. I haven’t been consistent with any of the three yet, but every time I am, I feel that my brain is happier.

    So since I wrote this today, I feel like I can’t skip reading all three. I grabbed a book of essays and a book of short stories at the library. So today’s reading was:

    Poem: Kissing the Opelu by Donovan Kūhiō Colleps

    Essay: When We Were Boys by Ciara Alfaro

    Short Story: Rip Van Winkle by Washington Irving

    I feel like I should write a little about my reactions to each piece but maybe I’ll just leave it at they were all good and made me think. Stuffed my head properly.

    I do want to say that Rip Van Winkle had an awful lot of misogyny- almost comically so. So it was a bit of a drag to get through but I kept thinking of Breaking Bread With the Dead (which Pete wrote about last year) which helped reframe the story.

    Am I going to add this reading challenge to my journalling challenge? I can’t resist a streak. Only 999 more nights to go!

  • Finding music

    Finding music

    Yesterday, I heard something that reminded me of a song I had on repeat a few years back. I knew it wasn’t on Spotify, I knew it was a duet and one of the singers was Conor Oberst. I remembered the theme and a few words, but all of my searches came up empty. I even asked AI but it didn’t know. I finally checked my YouTube history and scrolled back to 2016 before I found it. It was Conor Oberst’s band Bright Eyes doing a cover of Magnetic Fields “Papa Was a Rodeo”. I felt elated that I’d found it, but then had no good way to listen to it besides YouTube. I mentioned to Pete how the cd was still available used some places, and he encouraged me to get it. So now I’m looking forward to the mail.

    Other than that I’ve been listening to NPR’s New Music Friday playlist each week and seeing if anything sparks joy. I seem to have better luck with hearing random interesting songs on WLTL. For awhile I was trying to find new music on Bandcamp but got disillusioned after liking something I found out was AI generated. That’s why I rarely take Spotify’s recommendations either.

    Whenever I find something I do like, I’ll add it to a playlist for the year. I just realized I’ve been creating playlists like that for the past 6 years. It’s fun to go back and listen and sift through memories and maybe even rediscover a band I’d like to listen to again. So for now I’ll jump back to 2019 and see what life sounded like the year kiddo was a newborn and no one knew what COVID was.

  • Untranslatable

    Untranslatable

    A few of my 99+ open tabs are about Japanese words. I love stumbling across words like this that don’t translate exactly.

    Komorebi – The Chicago Botanic Garden describes komorebi (木漏れ日) as “The dapples of light and leaf []This effect is especially notable at dawn or just before dusk, when one can observe a cascade of shimmering amber light. While the sight is familiar and nostalgic, there is no English word for this phenomenon.” Every time I notice this, I almost always feel a calmness come over me.

    Ma (間) – I first encountered ma as a design concept of negative space but it’s so much more. Cultures of Japan describes it as referring to: ”physical space, but also to time, relational, and spiritual distances. Furthermore, it can refer to visible or auditory gaps, or the intangible ‘interval’ between one event and another. This concept underscores the idea in both Japanese aesthetics and philosophy of life that things are always in relation to one another.”

    Tsundoku (積ん読) – letting books pile up that you might not read. I’ve also heard of this as cultivating a “wine cellar” of books, so when the right mood strikes, you pick one that you’ve stored.

    All of these words together feel like they describe me in a way. I guess that’s why I saved them.

  • Aldi Day

    Aldi Day

    Over the last few years, I’ve become slightly obsessed with the grocery store Aldi. Besides groceries, they put out random household goods every week. The company calls them “Aldi Finds” but online, lots of people say you can buy these things in the “aisle of shame”, because no one really *needs* the stuff in that aisle. Sometimes people yell “caw caw” in the middle of the aisle to locate other Aldi obsessed fans. There is a Facebook group with 3 million people in it. In case there was any doubt, I am a member.

    So after shopping there today, we are now proud owners of a four foot inflatable pool noodle that looks like a stick of butter. It’s another fun item added to our pool/beach gear. Over the years, I’ve also gathered a Bogg bag dupe, a mini one for kiddo, beach towels, a sun hat that says “hola beaches”, pool shoes, goggles, and I’m sure I’m forgetting something else. The bags are really are awesome at hauling wet stuff- and just quirky and fun. One of our towels has script that says “wish you were here” and it sparks joy. I guess that’s the point of these “finds”. They don’t cost very much, they make outings easier, and they often help brighten my day. I can’t wait for summer!